


307 days

by Adura



Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, evil! Morgana
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-07-05
Updated: 2010-07-05
Packaged: 2017-10-10 09:56:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/98387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adura/pseuds/Adura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur have a secret relationship. Only two people ever knew- Gwen and Morgana. but after Merlin 'kills' Morgana, she is out for revenge. She kidnaps Merlin and sets him in the middle of nowhere, and sets off to do the unthinkable. Slash. Angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	307 days

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin in anyway, no matter how much I wish I did.

**A/N: **This is a story that was originally written for a writing challenge of on merlinxarthur on LiveJournal. I kind of got carried away…this fic is going to end up being longer than I anticipated. It's going to be very angsty! You have been warned.

**Warnings: **Smut, lots of angst.

**Disclaimer: **I wish I owned Merlin, but I don't. If I did, it would be the attack of merlinxarthur.

**Part 1: Reflection**

**Day 1**

Merlin sat on the small cot in the even smaller room, cradling his head in his arms. He could hardly believe what had happened. How could he have fallen into the trap?

A tear slowly slid out of the corner of his eye, gently traveling down his cheek, then his neck, and into his scarf. _Arthur's _scarf. It was the scarf Arthur had given him to replace his 'old ratty one.'

Merlin gave a tearful smile at the memory, taking in the scent of the scarf. It still smelled like him.

The door suddenly opened, and Merlin hastily dropped his scarf, and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Hello there, Merlin," came the soft voice of Morgana. "You have no idea how long I have _waited _for this day."

**Day 5**

Merlin could barely get the information through his head; he was too tired, too depressed. Even after five days, he had worked himself to the bone to get out of the room. He had used every spell he knew, using all the magic he had, and yet none of it worked.

Morgana had laughed at him, giving him a sad smile. _This is my revenge, and your punishment for killing me Merlin, _she had said. _I want you to know how it feels like to be ripped apart from everyone you have known and loved._

Merlin had tried pleading with her, telling her that he had no other choice. He told her that she knew she would survive; she was strong. But Morgana had just laughed in his face. He barely recognized her at all; her face was molded into evil, twisted by all of Morgause's whispers and ideals. There was no coming back for her.

**Day 10**

Merlin finally gave up any chance of getting out. Now, he spent his time lying on the bed, losing himself in memories and daydreams. He ate the meals they gave him three times a day-it was good food, better than he expected- and then went back to the bed and dreamed some more.

Today, he thought about that fateful first day, when he had fallen in love with Arthur.

_He remembered the moment so vividly; the moment he had taken a sip from the poisoned chalice. He felt the poison spread through his body like wildfire-oh it hurt so bad- and then everything had gone black. He could hear people screaming his name. He was only dimly aware of someone gently lifting him off the ground, and running him presumably to Gaius's chambers._

_He heard snippets of conversation as he drifted in and out of conscience; something about a Mortaeus Flower. That was all he remembered._

_Though he wasn't aware, Arthur had gone after the flower. If Merlin had stayed conscience for just a second longer, he would have heard that the Mortaeus flower could only be found in a cave deep in the wilderness, over run with what, no one knew. _

_But he didn't hear that; he didn't hear Arthur yell at his father, plead with his father, and then disobey his father by sneaking out to find the flower._

_He was semi conscious a few hours later. He could hear Gwen's worried whispering as she continuously wiped his forehead with a damp cloth. He could tell when she had suddenly left, and he heard Gaius take her place, rubbing at something on his arm._

_And then, the visions started. He saw Arthur in the woods, talking to a lost and injured girl. He knew who it was- Nimueh. But Arthur doesn't, and he helps her. He can only watch as Arthur follows her to the cave, unable to do anything. "It's a trap, it's a trap," he murmured, though he knew Arthur could not hear him. But Gaius did._

_He is only dimly aware when Arthur is trapped on a ledge with spiders crawling after him, Nimueh having long gone. "Arthur…too dark…" He barely realizes it when he starts an incantation, a bright blue orb slowly appearing in his right hand._

_It's the orb that saves Arthur's life; that gets him out of the cave._

_That was all he remembered._

_He didn't see when Arthur was locked up in the dungeons, and how hard Arthur tried to get out. He didn't see Arthur's final attempt at getting the flower back to him. He didn't watch as the potion was brewed, and it was slipped into his throat seconds before his death._

_He didn't see any of it, but he knew. He _knew _that Arthur would do anything to save him. _

That was the day Merlin fell in love with Arthur.

**Day 37**

Merlin was lost in his thoughts once again. He had begun to lose weight; he clothes were loose-fitting, and his cheekbones were jutting out. He had dark circles under his swollen red eyes, as if he had spent the nights crying instead of sleeping.

Which he just about had.

Now, Merlin's thoughts drifted to the day he shared his first kiss; shared it with Arthur.

_His hometown of Ealdor had been attacked. His mother had come all the way to Camelot for help; help that Uther was not able to give. "You are outside my territory," he had said. "I cannot risk a misunderstanding with your king. I'm sorry that I can't help." _

_Those words had enraged him. He had to help his mother, no matter if he did it alone. He knew he had to leave Camelot, leave his destiny- leave Arthur. That revelation hit him harder than he thought it would. He never knew it would hurt so much to leave the man he loved behind._

_Of course, he knew it would have to happen sometime. He knew that Arthur could never love him; not the way he wanted him too. Arthur needed a good wife, and a beautiful heir. He needed a lover that he could be proud to show in public. He was none of those things. _

_When he had finally told Arthur he was going back to Ealdor, the resigned look on Arthur's face made him want to hug him; he wanted to wrap his arms around Arthur, and finally have to chance to share his first kiss. He hadn't been able to bring himself to do it; he only watched in silent frustration as Arthur gave him a sad look, wishing him luck. It had almost seemed like Arthur wanted to say something more, but he couldn't bring himself too. _You have to let him go, _Merlin told himself. And that was what he did. _

_He was lucky to have Gwen and Morgana alongside him, of course. They were two companions that were more than he could wish for. They took his mind off Arthur, telling him jokes and good old stories. Merlin did have fun; he laughed along with the girls and talked with his mother. But there was still an empty space in his heart._

_That night, he had been so scared when he heard something prowling in the woods. He thought they were going to get ambushed or killed. When he realized that it was Arthur, it was more than he could bear. He abruptly threw himself into Arthur's arms, his legs wrapped around his waist. "Oh, thank God it's you," he had whispered to Arthur._

_Arthur had stiffened when Merlin hugged him, and the latter realized he had just jumped on _Prince _Arthur. He flushed, preparing to get off and run away as far as he could. "Sorry," he had murmured, trying to get out. But he couldn't; Arthur had a firm grip on his back. "Arthur?" He asked hesitantly, looking into his eyes._

_Arthur's eyes were swimming with relief, joy, and...lust? _

_Merlin barely had time to finish his observation before Arthur's lips were suddenly on his._

Merlin gave a soft laugh, tears running down his face once again. It had been one of the best moments of his life. The kiss had everything he wanted, and more. It was full of passion and love, and so sweet that it pained Merlin to think about it.

And the love that had been swimming in Arthur's eyes had been too much for Merlin when they had finally broke apart.

_He had looked straight into Arthur's eyes, which were burning with desire. He planned on saying something, maybe making an elaborate speech; instead, he brought Arthur in for another kiss, this one with a more desperate edge. _

_They both fought for control of the kiss, their tongue's battling in a fiery dance. They were both panting so loudly that they could wake the whole forest, but neither of them cared. They broke apart after what felt like hours. Merlin gently laid his head against Arthur's chest, content to stay like that forever. _

Back in Camelot, Gwen had been feeling uneasy. It had already been more than a month since Merlin had been gone, but she felt like something wasn't right.

She had approached Arthur weeks ago when he had come back alone from a walk. She had seen him leave with Merlin, and yet he didn't come back.

"Arthur, where's Merlin?" She had asked.

"He went back to Ealdor," he said, his voice void of emotion.

Gwen looked into his eyes, startled. She would think that Arthur would be hurting; she _knew _there was something going on between him and Merlin. But then she had looked into Arthur's eyes and saw how blank and distant they were.

It was not like Arthur.

**Day 47**

Merlin was _bored. _He was still depressed, tired, and heartbroken, but he was also bored. He couldn't sleep; he had barely gotten any sleep since he had been captured. _Since had been captured…_ Merlin shuddered as the memories overtook him.

"_Merlin, walk with me?" Arthur had asked, almost shyly. _

_He nodded in reply. Arthur, after making sure there were no guards around, had rushed out the front gate, Merlin right behind him. When they were out of view, Arthur grasped his hand in his, beaming. _

"_Happy six month anniversary," Arthur murmured, giving him a sweet kiss. _

_The kiss was short, but sweet. Arthur took his hand again, keeping a firm grip on him, as they slowly walked through the forest. _

"_You know, I wanted to give you something special for this," Arthur said softly when they stopped in the middle of the forest. _

_He looked around, curious, before giving a small gasp of surprise. Arthur had brought them to the place where they had first kissed. He could feel himself tearing up. _Stop being such a sap, _he muttered to himself._

_Arthur fumbled for something in the pocket of his pants, his forehead creased in concentration. "I wanted to give you this-this-" Arthur paled, swearing loudly. "No!" He moaned, "I left it in my room.." Arthur buried his head in his hands in frustration._

"_Arthur, its fine," he said with a chuckle, "This is already more than I could wish for- being here with you."_

_Arthur broke out into the biggest smile he had ever seen. Arthur suddenly pulled Merlin towards himself, pulling him in for another kiss. This one was fast-paced, hot, and full of passion. Arthur ran his hand under Merlin's shirt, slowly caressing his nipples. _

_Merlin moaned in response, trying to pull himself as close as possible. He let out a gasp when he felt Arthur slowly run his hand over the bulge in his pants; he couldn't help but thrust himself against that sweet touch. Oh, it felt so good-_

"_Well, isn't this cute."_

_Arthur suddenly pushed himself away from Merlin, taking out his sword in a flash. "Stay back y-" He faltered when he saw Morgana in front of him, Morgause beside her. "Morgana?" He whispered. _

_His sword was suddenly yanked out of his grasp, and he was pushed to the ground by an invisible force. "Arthur, Arthur, Arthur….." Morgana crooned, walking around him. "It's been too long since I've seen you." Morgana turned towards Merlin, a fierce scowl upon her face, "And you too, _Merlin."

_She waved her hand at Merlin once, and smirked when he fell to the ground, unconscious._

_Arthur screamed. "Merlin! Merlin! Oh, god, Merlin!" He tried to get up, but to no avail. _

_Morgana leaned down, whispering softly in his ear, "Did Merlin tell you that he was the cause of all _this?" _She waved her hands at herself. "He made me what I am today. He _has magic. _Did you know that, Arthur? Of course you do. But he never told me; he made me suffer by himself."_

_She stood back up, the fury easily visible on her face. "He was the one who poisoned me! He took me away from everyone I loved and believed in. But I've learned to love the people who saved me." She gave a small smile at Morgause, "Like my sister, Morgause. But now, I want my revenge on Merlin."_

_Morgana turned towards Arthur, her hand outstretched. "Now he'll learn how it feels to never be with the ones he loves. Do you know what I'm going to do Arthur? I'm going to wipe away any memory you have of Merlin." A twisted smile grace her lips, "You won't remember anything about him, except that he was the pathetic servant that went back home because he couldn't handle the workload."  
_

 

"_No…Morgana, please don't do this…" Arthur whispered, his eyes wide with horror. He couldn't….He couldn't lose his memories of Merlin…._

_Morgana aimed a finger at Arthur's head, whispering an incantation so fast, Arthur couldn't tell what she said. He felt his mind go fuzzy, and he started to slip out of conscious. _

"_Say goodbye to Arthur, Merlin."_

_No…._

All Merlin remembered was being knocked out, then waking up in his tiny cell. He was still waiting for Arthur to come save him.

**Day 62**

Merlin was slowly losing hope. He kept a cheery smile on whenever Morgana came in to sneer at him, but he was losing hope. It had been sixty-two days; he had been counting. And yet, Arthur still had not come. But Merlin believed he would, and he waited and waited every day.

Then Morgana came for a visit.

"Hello Merlin," she purred, "Still waiting for your knight in shining armor to save you?"

Merlin studiously ignored her, focusing his attention on the wall right by her head.

Morgana got frustrated after being ignored for a few minutes. She shot towards Merlin, a sneaky smile playing on her lips. "I forgot to tell you what we did to Arthur…"

Merlin suddenly looked at her, worry in his face.

"Oh, no…We didn't kill him. Don't worry about that Merlin."

Merlin gave a sigh of relief.

"We did something even worse." A smirk appeared on her face. "Arthur has no memory of you, Merlin. He doesn't remember all those sweet words he said to you; how he made love to you _passionately _every night." Morgana pretended to swoon. "He only remembers you as pathetic servant who couldn't even handle his work, and escaped back to his hometown."

Merlin shook his head in denial. "No…"

"Oh, you better believe it Merlin. He's never going to come for you. _Never._" Morgana laughed; a horrible, trilling laugh full of triumph.

"I don't believe you."

Morgana laughed again, taking Merlin's arm. "Then come with me, and I'll prove it." She hissed.

Before Merlin could say anything, she muttered a few words that Merlin couldn't hear, and they were sucked into darkness.

After a few panicking seconds of nothing but blackness, Merlin felt his feet touch ground. He looked around himself in a daze. It looked so familiar….

He was in _Camelot. _He saw Gwen in front of him. "Gwen!" Merlin shouted eagerly. She kept on walking as if she hadn't heard him. "Gw-"

"Don't bother, Merlin. No one can see or hear you. I just brought you here to witness- Aha, here he comes."

Merlin felt the familiar feeling of happiness swim through his chest when he saw Arthur. _Arthur…_right in front of him. He wanted to move forward and jump in his arms-

And then Arthur stopped in front of Gwen and leaned down, giving her a sweet kiss on the lips. Merlin stopped; hurt welling up in his chest. That was the kind of kiss Arthur used to give _him. _

"Arthur..what was that for?" He heard Gwen ask.

"What? You don't like it?" Arthur asked, a cheesy smile on his face.

"Well..no..it's not that I don't like it…well, I mean…" Gwen flushed. "But….what about Merlin?"

"What about him?"

"But… you loved him. Y-"

Arthur let out a barking laugh. "Are you sure you're ok, Gwen? How could I _love _someone as pathetic as him?" He laughed again.

That laugh echoed in Merlin's chest, shattering his heart into teeny pieces. He was dimly aware of Morgana cackling beside him, before he was sucked into darkness once again.

"Hope you enjoyed that, Merlin," Morgana said when they arrived back at his cell. "There will be much more to come."

Merlin fell back on the bed when Morgana left, a fresh load of tears spilling down his face. Arthur was never going to save him.

**End Part 1**

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